Don’t Decide From the Fire: Why to Wait Until After a Pain Flare
When you’re in pain (either a sudden flare or the steady background hum you’ve learned to live with), everything feels louder.
The world shrinks down to just surviving. Getting out of bed, answering a message, or figuring out what to eat can feel like climbing a mountain in a snowstorm, without shoes.
So if you’ve ever found yourself in the middle of a flare, wondering:
“Should I change jobs or go on leave?”
“Is it time to stop chasing treatments that never work?”
“Should I book that surgery I’ve been avoiding?”
“Maybe I need to leave the city for somewhere calmer.”
“Do I end this friendship if they don’t understand?”
These are real, valid questions! They deserve your clearest, calmest self to find the answers.
Something important to know:
You don’t need to make that decision right now. It’s probably better if you don’t.
Here’s why it’s okay (and wise) to wait:
1. Your brain is in emergency mode.
When you're in pain, your nervous system is on high alert, scanning for danger, even if you're safe.
This makes everything feel more urgent or threatening than it really is.
It’s like trying to choose your next step while a fire alarm is going off. It’s hard to think clearly when your whole system is just trying to survive.
Let’s frame this. Your body isn’t betraying you, it’s trying to protect you. The only problem is that protection and perspective don’t always go together.
2. Pain fogs your thinking.
During a flare, pain takes up brain space. Your energy goes toward managing the discomfort, leaving less for memory, focus, or decision-making.
You might feel forgetful, scattered, or indecisive. That’s not personal, you’re not dumb or losing your mind, it’s how pain affects the brain.
A good practice: Write down your thoughts and options. Coming back to them later, when things are clearer. Plus, this also helps our brain visually understand the situation… but that’s information for another time.
3. You might be making choices from fear or frustration.
Pain flares often stir up emotions like hopelessness, anger, fear, or desperation. You might feel an overwhelming urge to “fix” something (anything!) to feel better.
This can lead us to make quick decisions that don’t always align with what we want in the long term. It’s easy to make a big decision just to escape the discomfort: quitting, ghosting, giving up.
This is like trying to rebuild your house while you’re still standing in the wreckage. Wait until you have space to see the full picture.
4. Your body and mind aren’t connected right now.
Pain can make you feel disconnected from your body or like your body is the enemy.
Decisions made in this disconnected state often lack the wisdom that comes from being grounded and present.
Lets be honest here. The best decisions come from a place of safety, not survival.
5. Pain flares distort time and urgency.
When symptoms flare or the fatigue sets in, it can feel like everything needs to be solved right now.
Most decisions (even big ones) don’t need to be made in a single day. What feels like a crisis in the moment may just be your nervous system calling out for care.
How does it feel to tell yourself, “I’ll revisit this in a few days, once I feel more grounded”? You are not procrastinating on making an important decision, you are finding peace within yourself to make the best decision for you. Give your body and brain a chance to settle.
Reflection
Lets take a moment. Have you ever made a big decision during a pain flare and later realized that it wasn’t aligned with what you wanted in the long term?
What did you learn from that experience?
You’re not alone. That urgency is real! But your clarity comes after the storm, not inside it.
So what can you do during a flare?
Instead of forcing a big decision, try one of these:
Rest without guilt.
Write down your thoughts so they don’t swirl around.
Text a friend and say, “Can I talk this through with you later?”
Do something small that reminds your body it’s safe: like a warm shower, a short breath practice, or lying with a hand on your heart.
When the flare softens, the wisdom rises.
You might still need to make a change. The job, the relationship, the living situation. It might still not be right. But you’ll be deciding from a place of clarity, not crisis.
And that changes everything.
Waiting until after a flare isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. It’s self-trust.
If you’re in a pain flare or managing the constant hum, your brain and body are in a protective mode, and the best decisions are made when you are in a reflective, creative, or strategic mode. That’s not weakness. It’s neurobiology. Give yourself time, support, and space. Your wisest decisions need your full self (body, mind, and emotions) online and in sync.
Trust that once the nervous system begins to stabilize, insight can and will emerge, especially if the decision relates to honoring your needs or boundaries that flares made obvious.
If you want more honest, body-based guidance like this, delivered with compassion and grounded in science, sign up for my email list.
I share gentle insights and practical tools to help you reconnect with your body and move through pain without feeling like you have to do it alone.
Healing isn’t a straight line, and you deserve support along the way.
You don’t have to figure it all out today.
You just have to keep listening. I’ll meet you there.